Soundtrack to Your Type: Enneagram 3

Like last week, for those unfamiliar with the enneagram, I will be quickly breaking down each type before going into the playlist and why each song was chosen. If you are unsure of which type are, I would recommend visiting the Enneagram Institute to read up on each type to hear what motivates them, what their core fear/desires are, how they behave under stress, and more. When you read through each type, it will become clear which type you most likely are. 


The enneagram is made up of nine types with three subtypes based on the instincts of each person for each type. They are social, self-preserving, and one-to-one. This, along with the wing, is why so many people who share the same enneagram type might seem entirely different from each other.


Over the last several months, I have been working to find a playlist for each type. Before we jump into this project though, I want to acknowledge that I do not speak for all people or any specific group/type. I am just a passionate fan of the enneagram, understanding human nature, and finding music to fit a situation. 


Please  listen along as I break down the Enneagram 3 playlist. As a 3, this playlist is especially meaningful as I can see a lot of myself in these songs. The good, the hurtful, it’s all here. As you might know already, or as you’ll learn through this, it’s not easy for 3s to be vulnerable about our emotions.


This week we will be looking at Type 3: the Acheiver. 3s are in the middle of the heart center, and are often out of touch with their emotions. They wing in Type 2 (3w2: the Charmer) and Type 4 (3w4: the Professional.) 3s tend to be hard workers who put all of themselves into the work that they’re doing. They also are the most image-conscious of all the types. In growth they go to a type 6 and become inner-motivated, more authentic, and self-assured. In stress they go to a type 9 and become apathetic, narcissistic, and compare themselves to others, only to be reminded of their failures and shortcomings. A 3s core fear is being worthless, while their core desire is being valued. 

THE ACHIEVER
The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: Adaptive, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious


“Three” by Sleeping At Last

This song is all about a 3 accepting love for who they are, without needing to hide behind a persona or mask of their accomplishments or by putting on the character of whoever they expect people around them expect them to be. 


“Now I only want what's real

To let my heart feel what it feels

Gold, silver, or bronze hold no value here

Where work and rest are equally revered

I only want what's real

I set aside the highlight reel

And leave my greatest failures on display with an asterisk

Worthy of love anyway”


“Not What I Meant” by dodie featuring Lewis Watson *explicit warning*

This song is heart wrenching. It’s all about the desire to be “somebody” and the extremes one is willing to go to fit in. It’s the compulsion to change to fulfill a certain role or expectation and the constant comparison of oneself with others. This speaks to the innate nature of a 3 but the dissatisfaction that brews deep in them when they aren’t being authentic to themselves. 


Let's find out just how far I'll go

To look like someone you should know

Maybe I'd sound a little better

If my features were more sweet

Your mind's already been made up

You saw my number and my number wasn't good enough”


Fake Happy” by Paramore

This is our first song on the list about putting up a front and not letting people see the unrest or unsettled emotions that 3s hold. 3s would rather not be asked about how they’re feeling, because they don’t like pretending, but they’d rather “fake happy” than let others see how they’re feeling underneath this defense mechanism. 


“See I'm gonna draw my 

lipstick wider than my mouth

And if the lights are low 

they'll never see me frown”



“SAD (Clap Your Hands)” by Young Rising Sons


“They say that if I try

That I could maybe be someone

But I'm scared because I know deep down

That day may never come”


This song is a great example of a 3 covering up their fears with flashy performances of shameless confidence. 3s tend to repress memories of when they weren’t at their best or when they weren’t accepted by the people around them, and learned young how to cover that sadness and fear up. 


Why Do You Feel So Down?” by Declan McKenna 

This song, to me, points out the self-awareness that 3s strive for, even though they naturally go to self-obsession in stress. As a 3, I can speak from experience of times when I knew I was lacking empathy for my friends, and I beat myself up about it afterwards when I realized how I could have put aside my own life to help them. This song is about overcoming the selfish tendencies and looking beyond themself. 


“So don't lie to me

I know I'm not as cool as I'd like to be

But why do you feel so down, again?

I know I'm not a very good friend

Why do you feel so down?”


“Bored” by Tessa Violet

3s become apathetic and (lazy) when they don’t have something motivating them. For me, I see this as I am motivated by my accomplishments. And without having a new project, I become uninterested in things around me. There are so many lyrics in this song that scream what an unhealthy 3 looks like. 


“Wish I weren't so self obsessed 

Wish that I could be the best 

Excited with my words 

But I’m nervous and I'm BORED 

I'm so bored of waking up, I'm so BORED 

Bored of what's inside my cup, I'm so BORED 

I'm exhausted by my heart 

I'd feel good if only I could finish what I start 

I'm so BORED”


“The Great Pretender” by Freddie Mercury (Originally by The Platters)

And just like that, we’re back on the facade 3s create to seem okay. As I mentioned above, 3s are at the center of the heart triad, which means they are out of touch with their emotions, but doesn’t mean they lack emotions. In fact, 3s feel deeply, but are more often than not unable to process or say what they are feeling and where these feelings come from. 


“Too real is this feeling of make believe

Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal”


I will never forget these words that my sister (who is a type 5) said to me; “you’re just mad I said you cry because you hate emotions but you have a lot of them.” Sadie, if you’re reading this, you had no right to speak such true and hurtful words. 


“Hate That You Know Me” by Bleachers

Since the last song was about feeling lonely coming out of a relationship, let’s talk more about a 3 in a romantic sense. This song is a fun example of how 3s might feel either in a relationship or after a relationship. Getting to know the “ugly” and vulnerable side of a 3 is an honor, so when a person is no longer in a 3s life, these lyrics speak too true. 


“Some days I, I wish that I wasn't myself

No luck!

And I hate that you know me so well”


“Cool” by the Jonas Brothers

Alright, we’ve shined enough light on the parts of a 3 that 3s don’t like to talk about, we’ve earned this. This song, without over explaining, is what I feel like every 3 has playing in their minds on loop, hence the sometimes shameless confidence they ooze. What else can I say? 3s just love themselves!


“Must've done something right 'cause all theseLights are green, man, they look like palm trees

And every time that song comes on it's about me”



“Mirrorball” by Taylor Swift

“I want you to know

I'm a mirrorball

I can change everything about me to fit in”


This song not only speaks to many faces of a 3, but also the desire to be valued and loved. 3s deserve to feel worthy of love, without going to extremes of getting attention and being someone else. 


“All I do is try, try, try

I'm still on that trapeze

I'm still trying everything

To keep you looking at me”



“RUNAWAY” by half•alive 

“Staring into my reflection

Redirecting my perfection somewhere else

When there isn't any progress

Lean on truth inside the promise, 

It is well”


This song has become such an anthem for my life. Instead of finding my purpose and worth through what I can and have done, and running when things are unclear, I can trust in the promise that it is well. 


“I hold my life out in front of me

Dreams of who I want to be

I'm seeing every empty page

I find that everything I am is 

Everything I should be

I don't need to run away”


As I made this playlist over the last few months, I have learned a lot about my own heart. I spent such a long time hand-picking songs that reflect the inner complexities of a 3, and agonized over sharing what it means with you. I am now ripping off the bandaid and saying this. To me, this playlist and post is bigger than an enneagram type. For the first time, I am publicly acknowledging the flaws of my heart and the coping mechanisms I have built up over the years to avoid being vulnerable and stepping into the call of authentic life that’s so important to my heart. I hope you are able to enjoy and learn about 3s through this. There’s a lot of fear in sharing, and a lot more underneath the confidence you may see in the 3s you know. Please, give us grace. And extend your hand to us, because Lord knows we don’t know how to ask for help when we need it.  Hopefully this will help other 3s step into their emotions and live life more authentically. 

Next up, fours. Stay tuned for more about the final type of the heart triad as we go on a deep, emotional journey through the Soundtrack to Your Enneagram Type more next week. 

Much love. Peace. Lil, a weary type three with an emotionally exhausting four wing. 

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